Looking after yourself as a young carer during the summer holidays

As schools across the country break up for summer, many young people are looking forward to a period of relaxation, with plans of family holidays or festivals with friends. However, if you’re a young person caring for a loved one with dementia, the reality can be very different. 

For young dementia carers, the summer holidays often bring additional caring responsibilities which can be tiring and isolating.  

Many young carers I support have a parent living with young onset dementia, where symptoms develop before the age of 65. If a parent is diagnosed with young onset dementia, family dynamics are turned upside down and roles are often reversed. Children who are used to being cared for by their parent, may now be asked to care for them instead. 

This transition can be incredibly difficult. Young carers may feel envious of other families going away for their holidays or doing activities that they themselves aren’t able to. They can also feel a lot of embarrassment about the unpredictable nature of someone at home living with dementia, and be less willing to invite friends over. 

This was the case for Elliott, whose dad started showing signs of dementia when he was just 12 years old. 

Elliott said:

“Dad wasn’t even 60 when he was diagnosed with  Alzheimer’s disease. I was still a few years off becoming a teenager, trying to navigate the transition between primary and secondary school. It’s a confusing time for anyone, let alone when you throw a parent’s dementia into the mix.

“When you start secondary school, you really want to form new friendships and invite people over. But I didn’t know if this would confuse Dad or if he would be in a strange mood that day. I feel bad saying it but there was a level of embarrassment.

“I didn’t talk to any of my friends about what was going on – partly because I didn’t really know how to talk about it, but also because I just wanted to be treated normally. I didn’t want sympathy.”

School or college can provide young people with time to recharge from being a carer and socialise with friends, so it’s important that throughout the summer holidays, young carers take time out for themselves so they can best look after their loved one living with dementia. 

Tips for young people caring for a loved one with dementia:  

• Apply for a young carers assessment from your local young carers service. If you care for someone and are aged 17 or younger, you have the right to a young carers assessment which can open more avenues of support.  

• Plan what you’d like to do during the holidays. Use a wall calendar to plot activities such as cooking a new recipe or attending a local young carers event . 

• Encourage being outside. If the weather is nice, sit outside or have a picnic in the garden. 

• Take on a new hobby or challenge. You could try a new sport or create a photo album with pictures of your loved one throughout their life.  

• Be aware of how social media makes you feel. Think about who you follow and focus on accounts or trends that make you feel good . 

Tips for parents and guardians of young dementia carers:  

• Recognise and acknowledge the child’s support as this promotes maturity and self-confidence  

• Try to establish a routine and ensure the child is getting enough sleep   

• Validate the child’s emotions and be aware of how they may feel if their friends have more freedom or are going on holiday  

• If the person who is living with dementia has increasing care needs, apply for a care needs assessment from your local authority. This will help identify support needed such as a package of care or respite  

• Be aware of the child’s concerns returning to school. Inform their school about the impact of dementia on your child and explore the support available via their pastoral support services . 

Admiral Nurses like me are here to help families not only in the summer holidays, but all year round. Please call Dementia UK’s Helpline to speak to a specialist nurse who can provide information, advice and support with any aspect of dementia, free and in confidence.