Hilda Hayo, Dementia UK’s Chief Admiral Nurse and Chief Executive Officer, reflects on Susan’s experience.
“Susan describes how guilty she felt that she wasn’t more patient and understanding with Peter. Most of the families I have worked with over the years have also stated that they have felt guilty about how they have responded to the person with dementia sometimes. Dementia can be unpredictable and emotionally exhausting.
“When we are tired, frustrated and upset by what a person says, or does, it is more likely that we will say or do things we later regret. I remind the family carer that they are human and when tired, we can all get irritable, and this can spill over into saying harsh things in the moment.
“It is important for the carer to accept that they are doing the best they can in a very difficult situation. The tiredness and irritability can also be an indication that more support is needed, and we can then have a conversation about what is available and how to access it. It is important that the family carer realises that guilt is a common feeling in this situation and there are people who can help and that they are not alone.”