Looking after yourself as a carer of someone with dementia

But you may not be able to continue caring for the person with dementia if you neglect your health, or if you don’t have enough support or time to recharge your batteries. 

It’s a bit like putting on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else during a flight emergency: by looking after yourself first, you’re more likely to have the strength to look after the person you care for.  

Niggling pains or feelings of anxiety or depression, for example, might seem like the least of your worries.  

But if you are having physical or mental health symptoms, you should visit your GP so any illnesses or conditions can be properly diagnosed and treated. 

Other tips to keep you healthy include:  

• keeping up with regular dentist, optician and hearing checks 
• making time to be physically active – go for walks, play sports, swim, do yoga or join local exercise classes 
• keeping your mind active – read books or the newspaper, do puzzles or crosswords
• trying mindfulness: a stress reduction technique that involves developing our awareness and acceptance of what is happening in the moment, rather than ruminating on things that occurred in the past or worrying about what might happen in the future. You could try a mindfulness breathing exercise or just take five minutes to be mindful in whatever you are doing, eg going for a walk and focusing on the sights, sounds and smells around you; or having a shower and paying close attention to the sensations in the here and now

Rather than focusing only on the care you have to provide, try to find activities that you can still do together to strengthen your connection.  

You could try: 

• listening to music together 
• watching a favourite film or musical 
• going for a walk 
• looking at pictures of places you have travelled to 
• going through photos of the two of you together 
• physical touch, such as a hand massage 

However, it’s really important to ensure you stay in contact with friends and family.  

This can give you opportunities to talk to other people about what you’re going through and allow them to support you, as well as giving you vital time out to enjoy each other’s company.  

• Let family members know what your caring responsibilities involve. Very often, other people don’t realise just how much you’re doing. Ask them to help – perhaps by sitting with the person with dementia once a week – so you can have a break 
• If possible, divide the various caring tasks you have amongst the family – it may be useful to create a rota 
• Schedule a visit from a friend, or a phone or video call, at a time when the person you’re caring for is asleep or at a day centre. Even a short conversation could lift your spirits 
• Speak to your GP or Social Services about respite care, financial benefits and other services that are available to help you in your caring role. Registering as a carer with your GP surgery – which usually just involves filling in a simple form – means you’ll be entitled to a range of support 

Keeping up with your other relationships and activities that bring you pleasure means that when your caring responsibilities change or stop – for example, if the person with dementia goes into a care home and no longer needs as much care from you – you still have things to enjoy and people to spend time with.   

Dementia UK resources 

• Coping with feelings of guilt
• When someone with dementia stops recognising you
• Caring from a distance
• The emotional impact of a dementia diagnosis
• Changing relationships and roles

Other resources

• Carers UK
  0808 808 7777
• Carers Trust
  0300 772 9600
• Revitalise – respite breaks for disabled people and carers
  0303 303 0145
• Mind – the mental health charity
  0300 123 3393
• Samaritans
  116 123