It is quite common for people with dementia to become distressed at times, which can also be upsetting for family members and friends – but there are ways to comfort them and help them feel calmer.
When a person with dementia becomes distressed, they might:
If someone with dementia is distressed, it is often because they are trying to communicate something that they are unable to express. Possible causes include:
Feeling disorientated or frightened – for example, the person may not recognise the place that they are in as their home, or might believe someone is trying to harm them.
Feeling anxious or depressed – it is often believed that people with dementia cannot experience anxiety or depression, but this is not the case. However, they may be unable to express these feelings, leading to greater distress.
Unmet needs – the person might be hungry or thirsty, or too hot or cold. They might be in pain, need the toilet, want to stretch their legs, or be feeling bored.
Changes in routine such as a hospital appointment, a family gathering, or visitors to their home.
Sundowning – this is where a person with dementia feels more confused and distressed in the evening.
Past life events – people who have experienced traumatic events like war, terrorism or a serious accident might relive these situations as their dementia progresses.
As a family member or friend of the person with dementia, you are often the best person to offer reassurance. If they do become distressed:
Sometimes, it might seem like the more you try to calm the person down, the more distressed they become. It can help to acknowledge that they are upset and then give them some space – perhaps go into a different room for five minutes if it is safe and appropriate to do so.
This breathing technique may help if you are feeling stressed. It is designed to give you a moment to distance yourself from the situation before helping you come back to the here and now.
The person with dementia might also find this calming. You could try talking them through it.
To speak to a dementia specialist Admiral Nurse for support with any aspect of dementia, please call our free Dementia Helpline on 0800 888 6678 (Monday-Friday 9am-9pm, Saturday and Sunday 9am-5pm, every day except 25th December) or email helpline@dementiauk.org or you can pre-book phone or video appointment with an Admiral Nurse.
Our free, confidential Dementia Helpline is staffed by our dementia specialist Admiral Nurses who provide information, advice and support with any aspect of dementia.
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